"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14: 26, 27
As a young Christian I've occasionally listened to preachers teach about the necessity to "hate" ones family members in order to be a disciple of our Lord Jesus. Almost invariably, the term hate as used by our Lord would be interpreted by the speakers as a matter of "relative degree of love", i.e. a disciple of Christ is to love the Lord so much, so intensely, to such a high degree, that his love for his father and mother, and wife and children, and brothers and sisters, appears to be "hatred" by comparison. These preachers would explain that our Lord didn't actually command his disciples to hate family members.
So I tried to obey this teaching through the years, with some reservation though, over whether our Lord Jesus actually meant "relative degree of love" when he used the word hate. After all, isn't the Bible full of teachings that we should both honour and obey our parents? Why did our Lord use such a strong word? Have those preachers missed something in their exegesis?
The answer to my question came when one day I realised that our Lord had foretold something astonishing about his work just before he set this seemingly impossible condition for discipleship: that is, his ministry would eventually bring about division on earth, particularly division within families. In Luke chapter 12, he had said,
"Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law." Luke 12: 51-53
"They will be divided", our Lord says of family members within a household. Matthew uses a stronger word "a sword" in Matt 10:34 symbolising bitter contention or enmity within families.
In Luke this teaching was recorded in Luke 12, almost two chapters earlier before his command to "hate" one's own family members in Luke 14: 26. Being two chapters away, it would not appear obviously enough that the command to "hate" one's family should be interpreted within the context of "division within the family" - a kind of division foretold by our Lord himself - where three will go against two, and two against three.
If this inevitable division foretold by the Lord is taken into consideration, it becomes obvious why our Lord used such a strong word - "hate" - when referring to the course that we must be willing to take in order to be a disciple of Christ: that we are to follow Christ even when some members of our family may reject us, persecute us, nay, even disown us.
In other words, we must be so committed to following our Lord that we are willing to let go our love for such opposing family members. Our love for them must "die" - regardless of whether they are father or mother, wife or children, brother or sister - that is we must be willing to lose their love and acceptance for the sake of following Christ. We must go against their dissaproval of our belief in Christ. We must follow Christ notwithstanding their strong opposition against our "new religion", and their associated displeasure over our forsaking many years of their family tradition. In the parallel passage in Matthew chapter 10, our Lord added,
And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. v36
For the sake of following Jesus Christ we must be prepared for the eventuality when, sadly, our very own loved ones become our bitter opponents and behave as enemies to us! Notice that immediately after these strong words, "hate father and mother . . .", our Lord added the statement, "Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.".
Again, contrary to popular notion, the command to bear our own cross in this verse is not so much about the cost of discipleship, as it is about the course of discipleship. "And come after me", he said. The Lord is telling us to follow him on a course towards crucifixion, a journey that leads even to death. We must be willing to die to our old self. If we are not willing to follow our Lord on such a deadly course, we cannot be his disciples.
This interpretation of our Lord's words "hate father and mother" becomes even more obvious when we turn to the Gospel according to Matthew where, in chapter 10, the author puts the two teachings of our Lord Jesus together into one continuous discourse: the prophecy about Christ bringing division ("sword") within families is followed immediately by the stern warning that anyone who loves father or mother more than Christ is not worthy of him.
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household." Matthew 10: 34-36
"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10: 37-38
Brothers and sisters in Christ: Let us follow our Lord Jesus Christ even when our own loved ones turn against us, wielding swords against us like "enemies" because of our faith in the Son of God who died for us, and whom God has raised on the third day, and whom God made to sit at his right hand, where he intercedes for us. (Romans 8:34)
Let each of us take up his own cross. This is the course of our discipleship.
